Avoiding the transactional “feel” while getting paid: Affect and relational work in sugar dating

Abstract

Following Viviana Zelizer's extensive scholarship on the interweaving of money and intimacy, this paper discusses the often overlooked yet critical role of affect in the production of relational work and in the success of relational packages. Drawing from the results of a grounded-theory-driven research study on sugar dating, the motions through which affect seeps through and structures negotiations of payments and emotional attachment are explored. The paper discusses the management of feelings as a component of relational work—so that arrangements neither feel too transactional nor too intimate—as well as the role that affect plays in differentiating sugar dating from illicit sexual transactions. It also contributes to the literature on sugar dating and sex work by critically discussing the limits of the commodification of intimate services and affect under a dominant belief system that rejects the possibility of selling “real” intimacy.