The couple therapist as intergenerational broker: A self psychological, attachment theory-informed perspective on helping couples with in-law-related conflict

ABSTRACT Conflicts between partners over their relationships with each other’s families of origin (in-laws) are very common and often very painful and damaging, yet have rarely been discussed in the psychoanalytic couple therapy literature. Becoming a couple typically involves significant reorganization of each partner’s relationships with their own families of origin, along with the development of new relationships with members of their partner’s family of origin, a process that can go painfully awry for reasons discussed in the paper.Self psychology and attachment theory can help couple therapists help couples better understand and move through this often difficult process in a way that reduces conflict, strengthens the new couple’s relationship and hopefully their in-law relationships and minimizes pain and damage to all involved. In some cases this is best accomplished by including other family members involved in the conflict in the treatment, as occurred in the case example. However, the couple therapist can function helpfully as an “intergenerational broker” even if only the couple is seen. A detailed case example is used to illustrate key points.