“Being Able to Breathe Publicly”: Trans and Gender Nonconforming People Healing through Embodied Activity

Abstract

Sociological research on transgender and gender nonconforming (gnc) people has emphasized the interplay between identity and institutional contexts as constraining through hegemonic norms and dominant ideologies on sex and gender. Research in feminist trauma studies focused on insidious and embodied trauma has demonstrated numerous prospects for healing. In bridging these two fields of study through a socio-phenomenological lens, this paper shows how consciousness emerges in ways that facilitate the development of a type of bodily agency. Empirically, the paper examines whether trans and gnc people can use movement-based activities for healing, and how that healing occurs in particular spaces. In reflection of the impacts of insidious traumas on both the body and mind, this paper radically re-centers the body to consider the potential for healing through movement. Through an analysis of in-depth interviews with trans and gnc people on their engagement with movement-based activities, I argue that participation in movement, on one’s own terms, enables a practice of bodily freedom. Moving beyond constraint and regulation, bodily agency requires a degree of bodily awareness (consciousness) that can emerge through participating in movement-based activities in transcentered and “personally-public” spaces. These results show that movement-based activities support trans and gnc people in healing from the impacts of insidious traumas. These findings have empirical importance, exemplifying the power of fostering intentionality through movement practices, as well as theoretical implications for understanding dynamics of agency and constraint in processes of healing from embodied oppression outside of formal therapeutic landscapes. HEALING THROUGH EMBODIED ACTIVITY 2 Hegemonic ideologies of sex and gender are essentialized and constructed into binary categories. This “tyranny of gender” (Doan 2010:635) is embedded in the practices and spaces we engage in every day, perpetually constraining actions and bodily autonomy. Although the constraints of gender are implicated in everyone’s lives, this disproportionately effects trans and gender nonconforming people (Mizock and Lewis 2008). Transphobia and related violence— spanning prejudice, discrimination and overt interpersonal and structural violence—directly affects the body. Direct transphobic violence as well as more ‘insidious’ forms of discrimination can result in symptoms similar to those of PTSD (Root 1992). If the body is impacted by strict and constraining binary ideals of gender, how can the bodies of trans and gnc people be implicated in processes of healing? Healing through the body has been theoretically and empirically considered in feminist trauma studies and psychology. Engaging in formal therapeutic practices like Dance/Movement Therapy (D/MT) has been shown to provide positive outcomes for trans and gnc people; reducing gender dysphoria, increasing embodied awareness, and addressing how gender is “experienced and expressed in the body” (Hanan 2012:2). However, considering the often inaccessible and often pathologizing aspects of formal therapeutic landscapes (Van Ingen 2004), research on engagement in informal therapeutic landscapes for trans and gnc people may provide insight on additional modalities of healing. Research in physical activity and sport (PA/S), although limited, has been investigated outside of formal therapeutic landscapes (Van Ingen 2004; Leedy 2009; Karcher and Caldwell 2014; Chernova 2016; Elling-Machartzki 2017). Although feminist sport sociologists have typically focused on the exclusionary and marginalizing aspects of PA/S for non-normative bodies (Elling-Machartzki 2017), recent studies have considered the potential for physical HEALING THROUGH EMBODIED ACTIVITY 3 activity to be empowering (Elling-Machartzki 2017; Chernova 2016). These studies also emerged as an attempt to ground post-structuralist and queer theoretical perspectives in the lived experiences of trans people (Elling-Machartzki 2017). My research extends from these studies, continuing a practice of grounding theories in the lived narratives of trans and gnc people, while broadening the scope of research in two ways. Despite previous emphasis on trans and gnc people’s engagement in organized sports (Elling-Machartzki 2017) and dance (Chernova 2016), this research encompasses a more expansive definition of movement. This is particularly important when considering healing through movement to be feasible, regardless of physical dis/ability, time and monetary constraints. Including additional forms of movement further allows for increased understanding in the role of intention and awareness (Heyes 2018) in movement-based activities. Second, this study expands previous research in considering the role of “socio-spatial constructions” (Bailey 2014) of movement spaces. This emphasis centers movement as a mechanism for trans and gnc people to navigate experiences of bodily agency and constraint as well as hyper-/invisibility, in both public and private spaces (Chernova 2016). In line with previous findings this research suggests that engaging in trans-centered spaces on one’s own terms allows trans and gnc people to navigate the hyper-/invisibility paradigm. Moreover, this research exemplifies how engaging in individual practice in group-based movement activities (e.g. yoga class, running group) or “personally-public” movement spaces, as one participant referred, provide similar benefits, increasing agency and bodily autonomy. 1 I use the term ‘movement’ to denote physical activities which include: formal/organized team sports, running, yoga, dance, as well as walking, bodywork, breathwork, acting, and most other activities involving the body. HEALING THROUGH EMBODIED ACTIVITY 4 Understanding the body as central to the lived experiences and subjectivity of gendered embodiment (Elling-Machartzki 2017), studying trans and gnc people’s participation in movement-based activities becomes critical in expanding sociological conceptions of the interactions between gender, embodiment, and socio-spatial constructions within hegemonic gendered structures. Through an analysis of in-depth interviews with trans and gender nonconforming people, I argue that trans and gnc people’s participation in movement-based activities can transcend the tyranny of gender and foster healing from embodied oppression. Moving beyond constraint and regulation, bodily agency requires awareness that can emerge by connecting with trans-centered and “personally-public” spaces. Enabling a practice of bodily freedom, movement creates the capacity to heal. To understand how the body is involved in and effected by social phenomena and space, I examine questions of agency and the body, both theoretically and empirically. In the following section I review literature on the gendered body and participation in movement in three parts. First, I examine literature on the ways the trans body simultaneously has agency and is constrained, drawing from theories on structuration and phenomenology; second, I consider the traumatic impacts of hegemonic gender structures on the body and implications for healing through movement; and third, I assess the ways the body and movement are located in space. After a review of the methodology used, I present an analysis of the interviews conducted with trans and gnc people. The analysis will be divided into two sections; the impacts of movement on the individual body, and the communal and socio-spatial constructions and subsequent impacts on movement practice. Finally, I reflect on the contributions of this research, limitations, and the ways it can and should be expanded upon. HEALING THROUGH EMBODIED ACTIVITY 5 THEORETICAL CONSIDERATIONS In recent years, a culmination of studies on the body and embodiment have emerged in sociological literature as a means of expanding the “disembodied” discussions of social experiences (Adelman and Ruggia 2016:907). However, there exists a significant theoretical and empirical gap in sociological literature that negates the embodied experiences of trans and gnc people, particularly as it relates to topics beyond marginalization. The literature lacks in considering the socio-spatial implications and experiences of the embodiment of gender for trans and gnc people. To fill this gap, I draw from trans, queer and feminist scholarship that situates the embodied experiences of shaping and being shaped by the relations between the “material and institutional dimensions...of social relations” (Adelman and Ruggia 2016:909). Locating Agency: Theories on Structuration and Phenomenology This research is centered on the concept of the self and identity as embodied and impacted by social relations (Giddens 1991). In constructing identity and a sense of self, we learn to ‘do’ gender through the people, structures, and institutions around us (West and Zimmerman 1987). Gendered embodiment has been identified as a crucial marker of identity and power relations, and such lived experiences are embedded in hegemonic structures and practices, including physical activity (Elling-Machartzki 2017). As Giddens claims, “...routine control of the body is integral to the very nature both of agency and of being accepted (trusted) 2 It should be noted that race, class, ability, and other markers of identity also denote specific and unique embodied experiences based on people’s multiple and intersecting identities. However, for the purpose of this research I intend to emphasize the ways gender is embodied and experienced, specifically regarding gender expressions and identities that are deemed “deviant.” HEALING THROUGH EMBODIED ACTIVITY 6 by others” (Giddens 1991:57). However, acceptance is predicated on the legibility of the body as it relates to “normality” and “normal” appearances (Giddens 1991:58). Normality is constructed by dominant ideologies that create a gendered regulatory regime