Frenemies: Acting like Friends but Feeling like Enemies

Abstract

Frenemies, partners who appear to be friends on the surface, yet purport to dislike one another, have received less attention in the scholarly literature than friends and enemies. To explore the discordant and complicated relationship known as frenemyship, 72 undergraduates completed an open-ended online survey that was coded using inductive thematic analysis. Findings indicate that frenemies play a significant role in people’s lives and represent not just a behavioral form (e.g., relational aggression), but an independent relational type characterized by disguised disdain. Results indicate that people maintain frenemyships because relational benefits (e.g., saving face, maintaining social networks, and sustaining potential instrumental connections) outweigh negative ramifications of dealing with the relationship or terminating it. From these findings, we propose a definition of frenemyship as a discordant relationship in which one or both parties engage in cordial interactions, while simultaneously evaluating the other in a distrustful, unfriendly, even hostile, manner.