The power of restorative apologies (real and imagined) for victims and offenders

Abstract

Shame can be felt after causing harm and after being harmed by wrongdoing. Failure to address shame can increase the possibility of the victim-offender overlap, making victims more likely to offend and offenders more likely to be victimized. An online, individually applied, restorative apology process could help prevent the victim-offender overlap by helping heal harm. People who have caused harm are given the opportunity to be accountable and explore how they might help repair damage they have caused, while those harmed can address any violation and shame felt. Anecdotal evidence indicates restorative apologies delivered either personally, or only imagined, can help individuals heal from harm and trauma. Open access to restorative apology processes is provided at www.apologyletter.org. The purpose of this paper is to show how the confidential apology program can help people address harm and shame. Appendices A and B provide an imagined apology exercise and guidelines for preparing a combined apology and gratitude letter, which can assist individuals affected by wrongdoing.