Power in Close Intimate Relationships

Romantic relationships are one of the closest types of interpersonal relationships that people experience; indeed, people rank romantic relationships at the top of their relationship hierarchies (Clark & Mills, 2011). Because romantic partners are interdependent and one person’s thoughts, feelings, and actions can hold considerable sway over the other’s, the dynamics of power in close, intimate relationships are particularly important to understand. Power plays a pivotal role in the development and maintenance of close intimate relationships as it determines how partners relate to each other and how important decisions are made. Before relationships are formed, when partners feel an initial spark of attraction, one partner often takes the lead in initiating the first date or initiating a first sexual encounter. In new relationships, when norms for how partners interact and make decisions have not yet developed, one partner might have more influence over the amount of time partners will spend together, how they will spend their time, or future plans they might make as a couple. In more established relationships, one partner might have the final say in most financial decisions, whereas the other partner might have more influence over decisions related to parenting or sex. The amount of power partners have in different domains can also change as partners confront new life events such as buying their first home, having a baby, or retiring from a lifelong occupation. As these examples illustrate, power pervades all aspects of intimate interactions, from the first moments when partners are getting to know each other, when they are establishing more committed bonds, and when they navigate important relationship and life transitions. In this chapter, we provide a review of the literature on power in the context of romantic relationships, highlighting the ways in which power operates in romantic relationships and how people’s experiences and expressions of power can predict whether relationships will thrive or falter. We begin by defining power in intimate relationships by reviewing key theoretical perspectives on power. Next, we review what we know about how power shapes initial attraction before relationships develop. Moving on to established relationships, we 9