Death and Life by a Thousand Cuts: Lessons Learned from the Deconstructive/Reconstructive Journey

Questioning one’s faith and beliefs about God, church, and their religion can be an excruciating experience. Since we all have an innate need to belong, feel safe, and be loved, we can be reticent to question and doubt our faith due to fear of rejection and isolation from two major figures: God and the church. For many people, it is not easy to separate the two. For some, the fear of losing God’s love, even momentarily, is terrifying. For others, the thought of leaving their beliefs behind may also feel like they have to leave their religious tribe behind, which can be just as anxiety-provoking. Yet, there comes a point where a person must simply choose to live life authentically. Feeling the lure of God to move in a certain theological direction may at times take precedence over the risk of suffering the social consequences of exclusion. Following the leading of God’s voice may also take precedence over pretending and living a lie according to other people’s religious projections of how one should live and what one should believe. This article explores the journey of a therapist and ordained pastor who chose to leave the comfort of his religious beliefs and faith community and shares vital lessons learned throughout the process.