Recalling, Reacting But Not So Much Regretting: How Young Adults Describe Their Sexual and Romantic Infidelity Experiences

Infidelity is reported at high rates despite strong societal prohibitions against it, leading to questions about whether outcomes support the motives driving infidelity. Little is known about whether motives behind infidelity correspond to perceived outcomes, including regret, but such information might help to explain the paradox of the high rates. Participants were recruited from a large prospective study on monogamy. Analyses were conducted on surveys from the 94 individuals who engaged in infidelity over the year. Using structured and open-ended measures, the authors examined how infidelity evolved, patterns among motives and outcomes, and regret. Infidelity typically began at work or online, lasted about one year, and involved sex as well as feelings of infatuation or love. Most (63.4%) reported not regretting their infidelity. Motives (anger, neglect, dissatisfaction, sex) were compared with outcomes (fulfilled needs, sexual satisfaction, distress) to assess concordance. Being motivated by feelings of neglect or relationship dissatisfaction was associated with needs fulfilled by infidelity; sex as a motive was associated with sexual satisfaction as an outcome. However, concordance in motives and outcomes was unrelated to regret.