"You get tired of remaining in a state of fear"- professionals' experiences of self-care facing suicidality in psychiatric wards.

Aim: The aim of this study is to explore mental healthcare professionals (MHCPs) experiences related to own emotions when encountering patients at risk of suicide in psychiatric wards and their family members.

Methodology and methods, participants and research context: This study has a qualitative explorative design. Data consist of texts from twelve in-depth interviews with MHCPs belonging to six units in two psychiatric wards. Data were interpreted using a hermeneutical approach based on Gadamer's philosophical hermeneutics.

Findings: Through an interpretation process, three themes emerged: Enduring own emotions, Balancing emotional engagement and the need to rest, and Being together in the community of colleagues.

Conclusion: This study shows the importance of being aware of own anxiety facing suicidality. MHCPs have to work emotionally and cognitively so that care is not guided by anxiety but by collaboration with the patient and his family members. The study highlights the need for a culture in the mental health service in which the MHCP can reflect on own emotional reactions and thoughts in a collegial environment characterized by openness, generosity and collaboration.