Gender, attachment, and demand/withdraw patterns in the context of moderate couple conflict in cisgender, heterosexual relationships

A common pattern in couple relationships is demand/withdraw. Within this pattern, one partner seeks connection, change, and resolution of the issue, whereas the other seeks to end the discussion and limit closeness. We sought to further understand and update the literature by examining the relationship of gender and attachment (both self-report and narrative discourse) with demand/withdraw behaviors during moderate couple conflict. Using data from 63 cisgender, heterosexual couples, we used the actor–partner interdependence model within multilevel modeling, to explore the research questions. Findings revealed that during the woman's issue, men were more likely to withdraw. During the man's issue, preoccupied attachment in either partner was associated with more demand and women higher in attachment anxiety were more likely to demand. Demand behaviors in one partner were also associated with withdraw behaviors in the other (and vice versa). In this article, we discuss the research and clinical implications of these findings.