‘It’s my definition of a relationship, even though it doesn’t fit yours’: living in polyamorous relationships in a mononormative culture

ABSTRACT One pervasive societal norm in Western societies is that of monogamy as the ‘natural’ way of practising relationships. Polyamorous individuals, who practise consensual non-monogamy, risk experiencing prejudice, discrimination, and marginalisation. The present study documents a thematic analysis of in-depth interviews with 11 Norwegian participants currently in polyamorous relationships, which resulted in three themes: (1) Wishing for normalisation; (2) Lack of literacy impedes recognition; and (3) The continuous consideration of disclosure. The results show that most participants experienced frequently being reminded of their relationship practice as ‘aberrant’ in the mononormative culture. In particular, participants stressed lack of recognition of their relationships as ‘real’, and linked this to scarce knowledge about what polyamory entails. Consequently, several participants considered carefully when to disclose their relationship structures, to avoid negative reactions from others. The study shows the consequences taken-for-granted norms can have for persons engaging in relationships that do not conform to these norms. Our study suggests that working towards a higher level of polyamory literacy, as well as a heightened awareness of the stressful environments the majority may unintentionally create for the polyamorous minority, is key to reduce minority stress for individuals living in other relationship structures than monogamy.