'Living in two worlds': A qualitative analysis of first-time mothers' experiences of maternal ambivalence.

Objective: The aim of this qualitative study was to examine experiences and meanings of maternal ambivalence in first-time mothers with young children.

Background: In contrast with normative expectations surrounding contemporary motherhood, there is growing recognition that becoming and being a mother involves ambivalent feelings, and that these feelings are normal and have positive psychological consequences. Yet, little attention has been paid to women's subjective experiences of maternal ambivalence, and capacity to acknowledge and manage ambivalent feelings.

Methods: Eleven semi-structured online interviews, with first-time mothers, were conducted and analysed using Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis (IPA) methodology.

Results: Two group experiential themes were identified: Crossing boundaries of acceptable mothering feelings and Mothering from a place of 'enough'. Ambivalent mothering feelings challenged participants' expectations about motherhood and themselves as mothers, producing anxiety, self-doubt and feelings of failure. Distress accompanying maternal ambivalence was especially acute when participants perceived their feelings to be unacceptable. Viewing conflicting feelings with compassion, however, helped participants to cope with their diverse and fluctuating emotional mothering experiences, allowing them to mother with a greater sense of equanimity, agency and competence.

Conclusion: The study's findings indicate the potential benefits of providing information about the emotional turbulence of early motherhood as part of routine maternity care, as well as the potential value of offering parenting interventions that promote self-compassion to mothers struggling to manage feelings of ambivalence.