Becoming more assertive in your communications

Abstract

Developing greater assertiveness can be key to enhancing your work and career as well as your personal life. Almost everybody can improve in this area. The author describes a practical approach to moving from timid, negative, or aggressive communication styles toward a positive, assertive stance. This will get results not only in tough one-on-one communication but also in presentations especially as you deal with difficult questions. The approach has two basic components. (1) Identify any destructive or self destructive communication patterns you may have and their reasons. Then begin improving those patterns by working "from the outside in", or simply changing what you say and do. (2) Learn a protective framework for difficult situations that increases your chances of communicating well under pressure. This framework involves: buying time with a safe "minimal response"; reducing resistance and surprises through realistic preparation that considers goals, needs, and complete "scenarios", including worst possible outcomes; conducting the discussion by setting a context of goodwill and then using active and supportive listening, focused questions, main-point-first information style, and firm yet friendly language and body language; keeping focused on getting concrete agreements and then following up promptly on them.