Two perspectives on family rifts: the concepts of estrangement and cut-off

Abstract

This article presents a survey of literature written on the concepts of estrangement and cut-off, comparing the similarities of the two concepts and distinguishing significant differences in the scope and theoretical underpinnings of the ideas. Lucy Blake's review of the research studies on estrangement available in 2017 found no common agreement on the concept of estrangement. Quantitative research focused on the amount of contact and qualitative research on the quality of the contact. Susan Forward's approach to rifts between adult children and their parents, which is reflected in the work of the Standalone organisation in Britain, is that parents who are critical or non-affirming of their adult child are toxic. These traits are thought to create difficulties in the life of the adult child, who is advised to sever contact as a step towards self-actualisation. On the other hand, Joshua Coleman and Karl Pillemer focus on estrangement as the outcome of the tension between the parent and child, both of whom play a part in the rift, advocating that each side moderate their reactivity, blame and expectations. Kylie Agllias's research utilises concepts from family systems theory, recommending the effort to self-regulate and to understand one's contribution to the reactivity as integral to reconciliation. Murray Bowen conceptualised the family as a multigenerational family system with varying mechanisms, including cut-off, to handle tension as the family unit adapts to stressors over time. Cut-off is an outcome of the family's level of anxiety and the capacity of the family for differentiation, their thoughtful collaboration with one another to address the challenges they face. The effort to bridge cut-off is one aspect of an individual's effort to be a more thoughtful, connected presence in the family system as work on differentiation of self.