“I'll get it”: Payment offers, payment offer sequences and gender on First Dates

Abstract

Settling the bill is an integral part of a first date, with payment negotiation potentially involving a number of speech acts, not least payment offers. Research on payment offers and on payment negotiation sequences represents a desideratum. Furthermore, psychological and sociological research points to payment negotiation in dating as a site of gender construction. However, pragmatic research on gender variation and payment offer sequences is lacking.

We address payment offers and payment offer sequences across genders by exploring payment negotiation interactions broadcast in the United Kingdom on the reality television series, First Dates. Examining the sequential patterns around payment offers and pragmalinguistic realisations of payment offers and suggestions to share expenses, the analysis sheds light on media representations of how interactants negotiate the wider payment event and how this negotiation relates to gender. Findings highlight gender variation on a sociopragmatic and discoursal level in uses of both speech acts and in their sequencing. On a pragmalinguistic level, payment offers were typically realised directly; realisations of suggestions to share expenses were more varied, pointing to individual variation, changing conventions and to interactional dynamics in identity co-constructions. The study has implications for gender pedagogy and for the role of media discourse in the representation of gender.