Shame experienced by self and others: A relational approach

Abstract

Building on Burkitt’s (2014) esthetic and relational theory of emotions, this article presents a study that explores how and when shame is experienced, focusing on the role of social and cultural factors in it. People were asked to describe in detail an occasion in which they experienced shame and an occasion in which they observed someone else experiencing it. Following an Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis in which the focus is on what the experiences mean to the people having them (i.e., their lifeworld) four dominant themes were identified: Expectations, self-control, feeling exposed, and bodily reactions and empathy. The study showed how these themes are interrelated: the expectations function as a normative frame that defines what behavior is appropriate in a certain situation, which is present in all the cases. Self-control is a tool required to stay within the normative frame, and when one steps outside the frame, shame and other negative feelings can occur, which can lead to a feeling of being exposed. When describing observations of shame, many participants focused on visible, bodily reactions, along with a normative interpretation about what the other person might be feeling in that specific situation. Another interesting tendency is that some participants would describe observed shame that is similar to their own experience of shame. The discussion applies positioning theory to shame and reflects on shaming at a broader societal level.