One Day Last Month Iggy Christmas Found God

L Iggy Christmas was reading a Stag magazine in this drugstore in Peoria. Iggy flipped quickly through the pages looking at the pictures. One picture showed a naked Brazilian lady. Another showed a man shoving nails into another man’s face. As he studied the pictures Iggy Christmas’s eyes were bright as stars. He was skinny. Big thick-lensed glasses perched on the end of his skinny nose. Big spider-like hands fumbled with page corners and a Timex on his wrist went tick tick tick. His legs were long as broomsticks and his face looked like two eyes set in the middle of a dinner plate. And he had a real hard-on from the picture of that naked Brazilian lady. Th en Voice spoke from inside Iggy’s head and Iggy’s neck snapped back and his eyes glazed. “Hello, Iggy,” said Voice. “Hello,” Iggy whispered to the ceiling. “Drop the Stag magazine, Iggy,” said Voice. Iggy dropped the Stag magazine. “Now, Iggy,” said Voice, “I want you to go over to the counter, buy a Mars candy bar, and waste the cash register man.” Iggy walked over to the drugstore counter but his eyes were still riveted to the ceiling so he kept tripping over things. Th e cash register man’s name was Old Joe and he looked at Iggy Christmas suspiciously. He was an old man with white hair and buck teeth.