Navigating oneself through the eyes of the other - meanings of encountering ambulance clinicians while being in a suicidal process.

Purpose: The suicidal process contains both observable and non-observable phases, and patients have described the process as characterized by loneliness and darkness. Ambulance clinicians encounter patients in all phases of the suicidal process but little is known on what meaning this encounter has to the patients. The aim of this study was to elucidate meanings of encountering ambulance clinicians while being in a suicidal process.

Methods: Data were collected through fifteen individual interviews with eight participants who had lived experiences of encountering ambulance clinicians. Inductive design using phenomenological hermeneutical approach was used.

Findings: Patients are impacted by the clinicians, both in how they find their value in the situation, but also in expected trajectory. Three themes; 'Being impacted by representatives of society', 'Being unsure of one´s own value' and 'Regaining hope in moments of togetherness' generated the main theme ´Navigating oneself through the eyes of the other´.

Conclusion: The way ambulance clinicians communicate impacts how patients navigate themselves in the ambivalence about living or dying, and the encounter either consolidate a feeling of being a burden, or instil hope of an endurable life. Through conversation, clinicians could support the patients in taking the first steps in the journey of recovery.