Book Review: The Kindness Principle: Making Relational Behaviour Management Work in Schools by Carmarthen: Independent Thinking Press

In his accessible and very readable book, Dave Whitaker asks the key question – what do we mean by managing behaviour ‘successfully’? He challenges whether the strategies of control and compliance currently used by the majority of schools equate with ‘success’, or whether they are driven by the wider political agendas of school improvement rather than the needs of pupils (and teachers). He acknowledges the current polarised narratives on behaviour and steers clear of adding to these with the themes in the book. Instead, he shares in a careful, considered, experienced and informed manner what the alternatives to schools’ expectations of conformity might be, and how these could take shape in the day-to-day practice of schools. He asserts that a focus on compliance and control limits options for pupils and teachers and leads to exclusion as an automatic consequence, one which has incredibly damaging effects – not only for the child but for the wider community and society too. Instead he suggests that, although some exclusions are wholly justified and might be part of a supportive move for the child, that schools should and can focus on addressing the causes of behaviour rather than attempting to control the symptoms. The way to do this he suggests, is through kindness, forging strong relationships and understanding – a radical shift from long-standing English policy and reductive narrative of reward and punishment, compliance and control. The approaches Dave advocates come from a position of experience in the classroom, having moved from secondary teacher to headteacher then on to trust leadership. He describes the book as a ‘25-year learning walk’ which includes insights from his time in mainstream urban and disadvantaged primary and secondary schools, as well as alternative provision (including PRU and SEMH settings). He also draws in theory to underpin the strategies he suggests while acknowledges he is a ‘schoolist’ not a therapist or a neuroscientist and as such his book is squarely aimed at those engaged with pupils in school. The book includes sections on current foci in education, such as trauma informed practice and zero-tolerance approaches, as well as considering how the Covid-19 pandemic has impacted on the way schools choose to manage and support children’s behaviour. The chapters dovetail by discussing the ways in which those working in schools can both ‘create a culture’, through a focus on embedding values and ‘create a legacy’, by considering how children might remember the adults that have worked with them and reflecting on the value of learning from each other. Other chapters give informed commentary and suggestions on the use – and limitations – of sanctions and rewards and intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, as well as developing relationships, behaviour policies and de-escalation strategies. The chapters are written with a minimum of jargon which makes them practical and relatable, and they are supported by a breadth of references, although these are not always from academically rigorous sources, nor critiqued. While this might be more of a sticking point for those intent on understanding the theoretical underpinning of the approaches he proposes, it does not detract from the value of the chapters’ content which are supported by ‘try this’ suggestions to encourage not only reflection on the chapters, but actions as an outcome of reading. This is a key advantage of the book as it challenges readers to put what they have read into action in practice whereas many books on behaviour encourage reflection, but stop short of encouraging changes in the way we work. The book provides a holistic approach and avoids the polemic and polarised discussions that often surround behaviour. As the title suggests, the underlying and essential impact of relationships when supporting pupil behaviour is brought to the fore. Whilst this book might at times be light on research for those who want empirical findings, it would be a fabulous starting point to delve deeper into relational approaches in school. It could be used as a basis for INSET, twilights or staff meetings due to its classroom-based, readable tone. For school leaders and managers considering a different way to support behaviour in schools this book would be a great introduction to what other approaches there are and how they can be embedded in whole-school practice and cultures. For individual teachers (including those in training) who want to develop the breadth of their approaches to managing behaviour and who are keen to move away from behaviourist rewards and sanctions-based approaches, this book has numerous practical strategies to develop practice and relationships with students.