“The Littler Waiting Room”

Abstract

In Pierre Bonnard’s Self-Portrait in The Bathroom Mirror it feels as if we are in those very last successful days of Clive James or Jean-Dominique Bauby. This trio, James, Bauby, and Bonnard, are waiting to die. They’re still in the game. They confront in a remarkable way the problem of how to make the best of waiting despite failing vigor, illness, dread, and approaching death. They turn lingering, without much hope in the littler waiting room of life, to their own advantage. They turn dread and cautious waiting to their own advantage. I don’t believe that they solve the problem of this waiting for the end. You cannot. But they show how the experience can sometimes be transmuted from irremediable loss into inspiring gain. Bonnard could have uttered Clive James’ words: “I am restored by my decline and by the harsh awakening that it brings.” Pierre Bonnard’s words were “just because you sing doesn’t mean you’re happy.”